I've heard about it enough times to expect that when my children become older they aren't going to choose me; they're not going to want to be with me, but instead with other people, with friends. I wasn't quite ready to expect it this soon, though. Several months ago, I heard about Elissa's grand entrance as she arrived at Joe & Robin's house for a weekend stay. She ran in the door and with great excitement proclaimed, I'm here, Papa Joe! And Mommy's not with me! I laughed about it, but thought to myself that one day she'll be excited about not being with me in a way that might not make me chuckle but maybe cry. Somehow during those tumultuous teenage years even the best of kids seem to say hurtful things to their parents without realizing the punch their words pack. I regret doing it to my mom, who in no way deserved what I said those few times.
So back to my sweet, four-year-old daughter who obviously did not want me at the store with her... I know that trips to the store with Julie & Robin are fun. They always come home with treats and toys that I would not buy, but am happy for them to enjoy at Mamaw's house. To try to understand what Elissa was thinking would make the trip less fun with me there, I asked a few questions. Elissa, what do you think you want to do that you can't do if Mommy's with you? ... What do you do at the store with Mamaw & Julie that you don't do with Mommy? ... And then I tried to use it as a teaching moment about life living up to our expectations. I explained that if she woke up in the morning and said, "This is going to be the best day ever!", then the chances were much more likely that it would be a good day. But if she woke up and decided that "This is the most horrible, no good, awful day ever," then it would probably be a bad day. Translating that into our quickly approaching shopping trip, I told her that if she thought it would be no fun with Mommy there, then she would probably be right. But if she decided to try to have as much fun as possible with Mommy there, then she would probably have a good time.
I had a short time to process through this idea before we left for the store. I decided that if I truly wanted her to think that having me at the store would be fun, then I needed to act like a fun mom. Sort of re-telling myself what I had just told her. Test #1 was as soon as we got in the car. She wanted the windows down, even though it was really warm and the air conditioning was on. Robin put her window down as I bit my tongue. Already Elissa was noticing the difference in my usual control of the situation. As we walked into the store, she said, This is much more fun than I thought it would be. Ha! She hasn't seen anything yet, I thought.
Admittedly, we were all intentionally playing our own sort of game that night. I was going to become fun in my daughter's eyes. Robin was going to stay fun in her grandchild's eyes. Elissa was going to have the most fun she'd ever had at the store, apparently. Julie was... well, Julie is always fun. She was just laughing at us all, probably already visualizing the quickly-approaching days when her son goes through this process. Obviously, living life to be considered fun by my child is not my goal, nor would it turn out children of character and virtue. But there was a real lesson there for me.
At the right times, I should let down my guard a bit. I'm reading an AMAZING book called Loving the Little Years, by Rachel Jankovic. Every chapter though only a few pages long is packed full of insights into being a godly and loving mother during these years in the trenches of mothering toddlers. She wrote that children should not have to give up enjoying life the way God's made them to enjoy it simply because I don't want a dirty kitchen floor from flour, or the sometimes messy placemats after finger painting, or for us to appear less than well put together everywhere we go. This was so awakening for me to realize. I am that woman. I encourage our kids to have fun and try new things and love all the awesome opportunities that God has given... but only in so much as it does not infringe upon my efficient running of our home.
So, now with the help of my precious Jesus through prayer, I am starting to see life in our home in a whole new light. God has gifted my children with creativity and the desire to be with me (believe it or not!) when I'm doing chores around the house. I need to be soaking up this time with them and allowing their sweet spirits to know that they -- the people in our home -- are the most important part of our home. So if you drop by sometime and catch us before we've gotten around to cleaning up our newly discovered fun messes, you might get crumbs on your feet or put your hand down on a sticky table. But my prayer is that you will also find children who know that Mommy loves them and wants to see them grow in all the talents God has given them, to His glory. And hopefully when Elissa's a teenager and shopping a lot more than she does now, she'll invite me along for the fun.
